3/15/2010

Five Totally Bugfuck Insane Quotes from a Single Glenn Beck Segment:
From his The One Thing segment on Thursday, March 11, 2010 (written out as short poems with comments; taken from Nexis, which is different than the slightly more coherent version transcribed on the Fox "news" website):

1. "During normal times, kooks that say this kind stuff
is good brushed aside. But history shows us
time and time again,
if you add two elements, fear
and hunger -- all people will listen to anybody
who says I have the answer. I'm going to give
you an example. When I say 'anybody,'
I mean anybody."

Comment: Glenn Beck saying this to his audience is like a copperhead explaining why you should avoid the scorpions.

2. (Showing a picture of Jesus and Adolf Hitler)
"Recognize these two cats? One is good and one
is incredible evil. But they have one thing in common.
If you are in a system of crisis where there is fear
and hunger, both have the ability to look at you and say,
'I'll save you. I have the answer. I know
why this is happening to you. Come follow me.'
And when you're hungry
and afraid, it's not as easy
to tell the difference
between these two.
But there is a huge difference.
But you have to know what those differences are now
before you're hungry
and afraid."

Comment: Of course, subtle things like Jesus telling everyone to love their neighbor and Hitler telling Germans to kill theirs did make it difficult to tell the difference between those two cats.

3. "In the 1930s and today, two people say
they have the answer.
In 1930s, this guy.
Today, it's this guy.
FDR and Barack Obama.
This guy said happy days are here
again. He this one just said the worst
is behind us.
America is extremely fragile right now."

Comment: Beck's historical analogies are as flaccid as a weeping old man's cock in the mouth of a bitter young heroin addict that the old man's paid to suck him off. But because he can say that FDR and Obama said something similar, that must mean they are similar. It's history for people who know shit about history.

4. "Ten years ago -- 10 years ago,
this stuff was
ridiculous. Five years ago, six
years ago, this was sounding
a little more reasonable, but still.
Now? There are people watching now that are,
you know,
in their mom's basement
and they're blogging right now.
And I'm sure critics are going to call me
all sort of names.
And that's fine."

Comment: More Cheetos, Mom. Glenn Beck said it's cool.

5. "This isn't the first time on history
we were on the edge of making these choices
in our own country.
But only because of our reliance on God
and our understanding of this period,
the Constitution,
that we survive last time.
But, oh, as you will see tonight,
we came very, very close
to not surviving."

Comment: This was followed by another segment about American nearly descending into fascism because of some fringe figure's ability to get people to listen to him. There were lots of Nazis marching. Not in America. But, oh, fuck, it could have been. For some reason. Then Beck said it was wrong to compare him to Father Coughlin because Coughlin was too liberal.

Summation: If a liberal was given a show to spout these kinds of conspiracy theories about the government, he or she would be burned in effigy, if not in actuality.