6/18/2013
Republicans Love the Fetuses; the Women, Not So Much:
Oh, man, how Republicans and assorted right-wingers are concerned about the fetuses. "Don't let the fetuses get all abortified," say conservatives. "Dear lord, don't let the people have access to the abortifiers and make them womens keep them babies." So you get Ohio completely losing its shit over abortion. You get the motherfuckin' House of Representatives actually debating a bill outlawing a bunch of abortions, with one numbnuts from Texas saying that boy fetuses jack off and shouldn't be aborted so they can go on blowing loads inside their moms, pretty much a textbook definition of "motherfucker." We got to, got to, got to take tender lovin' care o' the fetuses.
But let's put aside abortion for a moment because, you know, there's real and actual people, some of 'em with fetuses inside 'em, who need care, too. On that front, the GOP and assorted right-wingers kinda don't give a holy fuck.
For instance, down in America's vestigial tail, Florida, Governor Rick "Spinnin' Eyes" Scott just happily signed into a law a bill that prevents local governments from enacting sick leave protection laws for workers. Why Disney World, which supported the bill, wants ill workers in Monsters, Inc costumes roaming EPCOT is a mystery. But it does seem to lead to a question: how can you profess to give a happy monkey fuck about the babies if you won't let their low-wage moms have a day off to stay with them if they're sick?
Now you'd think, though, that pregnant women would be sanctified since they are carrying the protected fetuses. Wouldn't a chick with child be like some combination of Mary, mother of Jesus, and that batshit crazy mom with, like, 20 kids on TLC? Yeah, well, funny thing: seems that conservatives don't want the fetuses aborted, but they don't give a shit about how the moms and their fetus cargo are treated otherwise.
At a Wal-Mart in Kansas - because, of course, it's a Wal-Mart in Kansas, which probably does most of its business in Sudafed and rifles - a pregnant woman was fired from her job for keeping a bottle of water with her, which she had because her doctor had told her to stay hydrated. Her story is a clusterfuck of bureaucracy and legal cruelty in which her pregnancy mattered not a whit when it came to enforcing the rules of the workplace.
As a report by the National Women's Law Center says, "[A]n employee who injures his back may be allowed to stop lifting anything heavier than 20 pounds," but if a doctor wants that for a pregnant woman, it's a problem. In another case, at United Parcel Service, a pregnant woman was refused when she said her doctor told her to only lift light things. Meanwhile, "UPS routinely gave light-duty work and limited lifting to other workers with medical conditions, 'such as high blood pressure, diabetes, vision or hearing problems, limb impairments, sleep apnea, and emotional problems.'" In other words, if you're morbidly obese, UPS would care more about your problems than if you're pregnant.
Currently, "only eight states — Alaska, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland and Texas — have laws to protect pregnant women" against discrimination at the workplace.
But Republicans in other states, like Ohio and Kansas, as well as Congress, will waste shitloads of time "protecting" fetuses instead of protecting the women who exist, apparently, merely as their vessels.
Oh, man, how Republicans and assorted right-wingers are concerned about the fetuses. "Don't let the fetuses get all abortified," say conservatives. "Dear lord, don't let the people have access to the abortifiers and make them womens keep them babies." So you get Ohio completely losing its shit over abortion. You get the motherfuckin' House of Representatives actually debating a bill outlawing a bunch of abortions, with one numbnuts from Texas saying that boy fetuses jack off and shouldn't be aborted so they can go on blowing loads inside their moms, pretty much a textbook definition of "motherfucker." We got to, got to, got to take tender lovin' care o' the fetuses.
But let's put aside abortion for a moment because, you know, there's real and actual people, some of 'em with fetuses inside 'em, who need care, too. On that front, the GOP and assorted right-wingers kinda don't give a holy fuck.
For instance, down in America's vestigial tail, Florida, Governor Rick "Spinnin' Eyes" Scott just happily signed into a law a bill that prevents local governments from enacting sick leave protection laws for workers. Why Disney World, which supported the bill, wants ill workers in Monsters, Inc costumes roaming EPCOT is a mystery. But it does seem to lead to a question: how can you profess to give a happy monkey fuck about the babies if you won't let their low-wage moms have a day off to stay with them if they're sick?
Now you'd think, though, that pregnant women would be sanctified since they are carrying the protected fetuses. Wouldn't a chick with child be like some combination of Mary, mother of Jesus, and that batshit crazy mom with, like, 20 kids on TLC? Yeah, well, funny thing: seems that conservatives don't want the fetuses aborted, but they don't give a shit about how the moms and their fetus cargo are treated otherwise.
At a Wal-Mart in Kansas - because, of course, it's a Wal-Mart in Kansas, which probably does most of its business in Sudafed and rifles - a pregnant woman was fired from her job for keeping a bottle of water with her, which she had because her doctor had told her to stay hydrated. Her story is a clusterfuck of bureaucracy and legal cruelty in which her pregnancy mattered not a whit when it came to enforcing the rules of the workplace.
As a report by the National Women's Law Center says, "[A]n employee who injures his back may be allowed to stop lifting anything heavier than 20 pounds," but if a doctor wants that for a pregnant woman, it's a problem. In another case, at United Parcel Service, a pregnant woman was refused when she said her doctor told her to only lift light things. Meanwhile, "UPS routinely gave light-duty work and limited lifting to other workers with medical conditions, 'such as high blood pressure, diabetes, vision or hearing problems, limb impairments, sleep apnea, and emotional problems.'" In other words, if you're morbidly obese, UPS would care more about your problems than if you're pregnant.
Currently, "only eight states — Alaska, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland and Texas — have laws to protect pregnant women" against discrimination at the workplace.
But Republicans in other states, like Ohio and Kansas, as well as Congress, will waste shitloads of time "protecting" fetuses instead of protecting the women who exist, apparently, merely as their vessels.
6/17/2013
Random Observations on Dick Cheney's Fox "news" Sunday Appearance:
1. So it was that former Vice President Dick Cheney slithered from the vat of feces and baby tears in which he is kept preserved to heave himself into the studios of Fox "news" yesterday and speak, sputum spouting from his mouth hole, to Mike Wallace's product of a broken condom, Chris. Cheney was in full snarl, rasping about the damage done to American security by NSA leaker Edward Snowden, who, it seems, Cheney wishes to snatch with his claw-tipped tentacles and pull him into an embrace so that the acid slime that coats Cheney can dissolve Snowden into an easily digestible liquid he can absorb through his skin.
2. Apparently, terrorists use Rolodexes. A Rolodex, children, was a series of notecards arranged in a circle that contained your friends' and associates' contact information. (Note: Look up "notecards" on your own.) Cheney said, "[W]e could get [Khalid Shaik Mohammed's] Rolodex and see who he was talking to inside the United States." Perhaps this is why we've caught so many terrorist - they use fuckin' Rolodexes. Who knows what information we'd find? (Although, many people found it odd that Mohammed kept ordering pizza from Little Caesar's.)
3. 9/11 is the alpha and omega of American history for Cheney. For this Dick, everything going on in the United States happened because of the terrorist attacks on 9/11 and everything that we will do from here until forever will be influenced by 9/11. What? You don't remember 9/11? Well, Professor Cheney is here and school is in session. Line up, drop your drawers, and get your caning: "Two-thirds of the Congress today, Chris, wasn't here on 9/11 or for that period immediately after when we got into this program. And the reason we got into it was because we've been attacked -- and worse attack than Pearl Harbor. Nineteen guys armed with box cutters and airline tickets." Oh, that 9/11. Thanks, Dick.
4. No? You don't get it? 9/11, motherfuckers: "We made the decision based on 9/11 that we no longer had a law enforcement problem, we are at war." And thus the worst decision in modern American foreign policy history since "Yeah, fuck those North Vietnamese" was made.
5. Anyone who agrees with Snowden's actions would have told the Nazis that the United States broke their code, says Cheney: "If you think about what we were able to do in World War II, reading Ultra, the Germans' coded communications. Vital in our success in that venture. We could have announced it to the world, could have had this kind of debate, but obviously it would have destroyed the ability to collect it." By the way, anyone who calls World War II a "venture" probably has no business talking about World War II.
6. And on and on and on Cheney went, his vile new hog's heart was pumping away. Benghazi is a "cover-up." Obama blows turtles. The IRS thing is the worstest abuse of power ever. Wallace lapped it all up like cum gobbler in the center of a circle jerk. Fuck, Wallace even let Cheney get away with talking about weapons of mass destruction. How can you do that? How can you hear Dick Cheney use those words and not fall on the floor, pissing yourself from laughing so hard?
1. So it was that former Vice President Dick Cheney slithered from the vat of feces and baby tears in which he is kept preserved to heave himself into the studios of Fox "news" yesterday and speak, sputum spouting from his mouth hole, to Mike Wallace's product of a broken condom, Chris. Cheney was in full snarl, rasping about the damage done to American security by NSA leaker Edward Snowden, who, it seems, Cheney wishes to snatch with his claw-tipped tentacles and pull him into an embrace so that the acid slime that coats Cheney can dissolve Snowden into an easily digestible liquid he can absorb through his skin.
2. Apparently, terrorists use Rolodexes. A Rolodex, children, was a series of notecards arranged in a circle that contained your friends' and associates' contact information. (Note: Look up "notecards" on your own.) Cheney said, "[W]e could get [Khalid Shaik Mohammed's] Rolodex and see who he was talking to inside the United States." Perhaps this is why we've caught so many terrorist - they use fuckin' Rolodexes. Who knows what information we'd find? (Although, many people found it odd that Mohammed kept ordering pizza from Little Caesar's.)
3. 9/11 is the alpha and omega of American history for Cheney. For this Dick, everything going on in the United States happened because of the terrorist attacks on 9/11 and everything that we will do from here until forever will be influenced by 9/11. What? You don't remember 9/11? Well, Professor Cheney is here and school is in session. Line up, drop your drawers, and get your caning: "Two-thirds of the Congress today, Chris, wasn't here on 9/11 or for that period immediately after when we got into this program. And the reason we got into it was because we've been attacked -- and worse attack than Pearl Harbor. Nineteen guys armed with box cutters and airline tickets." Oh, that 9/11. Thanks, Dick.
4. No? You don't get it? 9/11, motherfuckers: "We made the decision based on 9/11 that we no longer had a law enforcement problem, we are at war." And thus the worst decision in modern American foreign policy history since "Yeah, fuck those North Vietnamese" was made.
5. Anyone who agrees with Snowden's actions would have told the Nazis that the United States broke their code, says Cheney: "If you think about what we were able to do in World War II, reading Ultra, the Germans' coded communications. Vital in our success in that venture. We could have announced it to the world, could have had this kind of debate, but obviously it would have destroyed the ability to collect it." By the way, anyone who calls World War II a "venture" probably has no business talking about World War II.
6. And on and on and on Cheney went, his vile new hog's heart was pumping away. Benghazi is a "cover-up." Obama blows turtles. The IRS thing is the worstest abuse of power ever. Wallace lapped it all up like cum gobbler in the center of a circle jerk. Fuck, Wallace even let Cheney get away with talking about weapons of mass destruction. How can you do that? How can you hear Dick Cheney use those words and not fall on the floor, pissing yourself from laughing so hard?
Late Post Today:
Stranded in Where-the-fuck, Connecticut, awaiting a car repair, no computer in sight.
Back later with more road-weary rudeness.
6/14/2013
Liberal NSA Apologists Can Take It All, Want More:
There's a sexist old joke the Rude Pundit's been thinking about since the revelations of the massive amount of data collection and, you know, spying on Americans and others being done by the NSA, FBI, Prism, and who knows who else - maybe the Chinese restaurant on the corner here. It's one of those jokes about dicks that 13 year-olds tell and laugh at as if they understand them. Here it goes:
A dude with a giant cock can't find any women who can take his entire huge prick when he's fucking them. He keeps fucking women, but they stop him because his dick is so big that, when he's fucking their pussies, it hurts, like he's gonna rupture something. So the dude is completely unsatisfied. He decides to take out an ad, challenging women to take it all. And women take up the thrown gauntlet. Woman after woman tries to fit his immense schlong into their cunts, but it's no-go. Suddenly, a small, old woman appears. (It's never made clear by the teller where this interview/boning session is occurring, but let's say it's a room at a Holiday Inn because, of course, it would be a room at a Holiday Inn.) She tells him that she can take the massive member, all of it. In fact, a giant cock is the only way she can get off. To himself, the dude scoffs. No way, he thinks. She gets on the bed and tells him, "Put it in halfway first so I can get used to it." Fuck that, the dude thinks, I'm gonna shove it all in and kill this old lady. So he thrusts it all in, quickly. The old woman moans, catches her breath, and says, "Okay, now the other half."
Rim shot.
When he was with his middle school friends, it was funny in a "Hey, that guy thought he was gonna kill a woman with his dick, but she showed him" kind of way. But when he thought about the joke in the last week, he felt sorry for the old woman, so used up by men that she could barely feel the fucking she was getting, no matter how big the cock, and he was sad that the woman put herself in that position, as if the ability to take an enormous prick was some measure of her worth and that she was apparently ready and willing to take more, even if it hurt. You might respond, "Yeah, but maybe she just wanted to get fucked." And the Rude Pundit would sigh and pop a Xanax with some whiskey to make you fade away.
Whenever someone who is presumptively on the left defends or brushes off the NSA/FBI spying on everyone, they become that woman. Jeffrey Toobin, Joe Klein, numerous Democrats in Congress, basically anyone whose reaction to the revelations was "So? They're keeping us safe," they all have taken the fucking and said they're ready to get the other half.
And with that is the number of people who attack Edward Snowden, the analyst who leaked the information (with more to come) as some sort of sociopathic rebel who wanted to betray everyone because that's what high school dropouts do or some such shit. Don't they get that it hurts their argument to attack Snowden? See, if Snowden is a misfit toy crossed with Rain Man, how the fuck did he get such a high security clearance? If he was such a loose cannon-in-waiting, why didn't the intelligence apparatus see that in him and not give him the ability to deal with Top Secret material? How good is an intelligence organization that can't successfully vet its workers? And if we can't trust them to read the tea leaves on the people who are being asked to read the tea leaves, how the fuck can we trust them to sift through our metadata or web histories?
But, no, go ahead, let that big dick fuck you and ask for more.
The point for people who are upset about the NSA scandal isn't that spying happens. No shit. We know it. The point here is that everyone was spied on. And we're supposed to have rules about that. And who fucking cares if a court approves it? Who cares if a secret court is making secret rulings on secret evidence that secretly let the secret finders find more secrets in secret? The Supreme Court ruled on Citizens United in a way that the left is savagely opposed to. Did everyone just throw up their hands and say, "Well, fuck me, guess the fight's over." No. Even President Obama told the court they were wrong.
But let's take Obama at his word. Let's really debate it. Now, tell us all how we can do that when the response to any questions is that something is classified and that we can't know what good is being done. Former NSA workers corroborate Snowden, and they all say this is just the "tip of the iceberg." Maybe we can have a debate with winks and high signs. Or maybe the government will just lie, like James Clapper to Congress.
Look, the Rude Pundit doesn't like that this is happening under a Democratic president. It did, though. So ask yourself, dear, sweet fellow liberals, many of whom oppose things like stop-and-frisk as invasions of privacy: If this was a Bush or a Nixon, would you be so blase' about it?
That old woman should have never gone to the Holiday Inn. She should have answered the ad with a letter that told the dude to take his big dick and go fuck himself with it and see if he can take it all.
There's a sexist old joke the Rude Pundit's been thinking about since the revelations of the massive amount of data collection and, you know, spying on Americans and others being done by the NSA, FBI, Prism, and who knows who else - maybe the Chinese restaurant on the corner here. It's one of those jokes about dicks that 13 year-olds tell and laugh at as if they understand them. Here it goes:
A dude with a giant cock can't find any women who can take his entire huge prick when he's fucking them. He keeps fucking women, but they stop him because his dick is so big that, when he's fucking their pussies, it hurts, like he's gonna rupture something. So the dude is completely unsatisfied. He decides to take out an ad, challenging women to take it all. And women take up the thrown gauntlet. Woman after woman tries to fit his immense schlong into their cunts, but it's no-go. Suddenly, a small, old woman appears. (It's never made clear by the teller where this interview/boning session is occurring, but let's say it's a room at a Holiday Inn because, of course, it would be a room at a Holiday Inn.) She tells him that she can take the massive member, all of it. In fact, a giant cock is the only way she can get off. To himself, the dude scoffs. No way, he thinks. She gets on the bed and tells him, "Put it in halfway first so I can get used to it." Fuck that, the dude thinks, I'm gonna shove it all in and kill this old lady. So he thrusts it all in, quickly. The old woman moans, catches her breath, and says, "Okay, now the other half."
Rim shot.
When he was with his middle school friends, it was funny in a "Hey, that guy thought he was gonna kill a woman with his dick, but she showed him" kind of way. But when he thought about the joke in the last week, he felt sorry for the old woman, so used up by men that she could barely feel the fucking she was getting, no matter how big the cock, and he was sad that the woman put herself in that position, as if the ability to take an enormous prick was some measure of her worth and that she was apparently ready and willing to take more, even if it hurt. You might respond, "Yeah, but maybe she just wanted to get fucked." And the Rude Pundit would sigh and pop a Xanax with some whiskey to make you fade away.
Whenever someone who is presumptively on the left defends or brushes off the NSA/FBI spying on everyone, they become that woman. Jeffrey Toobin, Joe Klein, numerous Democrats in Congress, basically anyone whose reaction to the revelations was "So? They're keeping us safe," they all have taken the fucking and said they're ready to get the other half.
And with that is the number of people who attack Edward Snowden, the analyst who leaked the information (with more to come) as some sort of sociopathic rebel who wanted to betray everyone because that's what high school dropouts do or some such shit. Don't they get that it hurts their argument to attack Snowden? See, if Snowden is a misfit toy crossed with Rain Man, how the fuck did he get such a high security clearance? If he was such a loose cannon-in-waiting, why didn't the intelligence apparatus see that in him and not give him the ability to deal with Top Secret material? How good is an intelligence organization that can't successfully vet its workers? And if we can't trust them to read the tea leaves on the people who are being asked to read the tea leaves, how the fuck can we trust them to sift through our metadata or web histories?
But, no, go ahead, let that big dick fuck you and ask for more.
The point for people who are upset about the NSA scandal isn't that spying happens. No shit. We know it. The point here is that everyone was spied on. And we're supposed to have rules about that. And who fucking cares if a court approves it? Who cares if a secret court is making secret rulings on secret evidence that secretly let the secret finders find more secrets in secret? The Supreme Court ruled on Citizens United in a way that the left is savagely opposed to. Did everyone just throw up their hands and say, "Well, fuck me, guess the fight's over." No. Even President Obama told the court they were wrong.
But let's take Obama at his word. Let's really debate it. Now, tell us all how we can do that when the response to any questions is that something is classified and that we can't know what good is being done. Former NSA workers corroborate Snowden, and they all say this is just the "tip of the iceberg." Maybe we can have a debate with winks and high signs. Or maybe the government will just lie, like James Clapper to Congress.
Look, the Rude Pundit doesn't like that this is happening under a Democratic president. It did, though. So ask yourself, dear, sweet fellow liberals, many of whom oppose things like stop-and-frisk as invasions of privacy: If this was a Bush or a Nixon, would you be so blase' about it?
That old woman should have never gone to the Holiday Inn. She should have answered the ad with a letter that told the dude to take his big dick and go fuck himself with it and see if he can take it all.
6/13/2013
Hatch Fears a Stiffing and Other Things Going on During the Immigration Bill Debate:
Yesterday, on the floor of his august body, Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah revealed to everyone his greatest fear. "I don’t want to be stiffed at this time," said the Republican, "and I’m not the kind of guy who takes stiffing lightly." Now it may seem as if he was talking about the inconvenience of receiving anal pleasure from Harry Reid's hairy reed in the cloakroom while all the other Senators were listening, but it appears he was directing his serious disputation about stiffing towards the Democrats in general as regards voting procedures on the amendments to the immigration bill being debated right now.
See, Hatch is wary that Majority Leader Reid is going to tell the Republicans to go fuck themselves with their inhumane amendments to a bill that already carries an incredibly onerous path to citizenship. Those amendments include such enhancements to the legislation as Hatch's requiring "undocumented immigrants to pay back taxes for every year they have been in the country illegally," which would mean that people who earn cash from employers would be forced to come up with thousands of dollars before they could get legal status. There's also the John Cornyn amendment that says that the border would have to be secure before undocumented immigrants could get legal status. How do you know the border is secure? Cameras, motherfuckers, cameras up and down the border, one immense TV show. Oh, and a 90% rate of capturing and returning border jumpers. It's sort of like saying, "I'll let you into my house, but first you have to mow my lawn and blow me." That's unfair. It's way worse than that.
What's pissed off Hatch into backing away from the stiffing is that Reid has decided that Republicans can suck on their own filibuster procedures. Reid is requiring that all the amendments must reach the 60-vote threshold that Mitch McConnell has said is good for every other vote in the Senate. The GOP is trying to do a delicate pirouette on a pinhead with immigration reform: they have to pass it in some form or they'll have lost the Hispanic vote for a long ass time, but they have to make sure it's got some crazy in it or the Tea Party will hoot and holler about "Traitors" and then have another tedious tri-corner be-hatted protest and primary the Republicans with an inbred asshole who would be in a corner without pants and smoking bathtub meth if the teabaggers hadn't cleaned him up to run.
Yeah, they need this, but Reid has decided that bill doesn't need the needlessly cruel conditions and the bonus is that he gets to fuck with the Republicans. In objecting to ending debate on an amendment by Republican Chuck Grassley that's similar to Cornyn's, Reid said, "How many times have we heard the Republican Leader say on this floor and publicly that the new reality in the United States Senate is 60? So I just thought I was following the direction of the Republican Leader. I mean, this is what he said. That’s why we’re having 60 votes on virtually everything. And with this bill, with this bill, no one can in any way suggest this bill is not important and these amendments aren’t important." And his balls grew three sizes that day.
Grassley of Iowa lost his corn-filled shit over Reid's move: "There’s no reason, particularly in this first week, at the beginning of process, to be blocking our amendments with a 60-vote margin that’s required when you suppose a filibuster. Let’s start out with regular order." Then, the Senator who has joined in hundreds of filibusters in the last five years, really added, "This is a very provocative act."
So Reid hefted his balls, which reach this size only a couple of times a session, onto the lectern and said to Grassley, "Check out these balls. Are you not in awe of them, if only for today?" He added, "Provocative act? If my friend is so interested in regular order, why have we waited three months to go to conference on a budget, on a budget? That’s regular order. Now suddenly when it works to their advantage, I guess, they want to do away with the McConnell rule. What is the McConnell rule? 60 votes on everything." Reid gestured one more time at his balls before tucking them away.
Thus the most deliberative body in the world went on with its pissing match to legislation that most people support, with families, businesses and more waiting to see if it's going to be okay to finally come out of the shadows and join the nation they wish to openly be part of.
It was reported that Hatch waited in the cloakroom for Reid for some hours after, the time for a stiffing finally being right.
Yesterday, on the floor of his august body, Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah revealed to everyone his greatest fear. "I don’t want to be stiffed at this time," said the Republican, "and I’m not the kind of guy who takes stiffing lightly." Now it may seem as if he was talking about the inconvenience of receiving anal pleasure from Harry Reid's hairy reed in the cloakroom while all the other Senators were listening, but it appears he was directing his serious disputation about stiffing towards the Democrats in general as regards voting procedures on the amendments to the immigration bill being debated right now.
See, Hatch is wary that Majority Leader Reid is going to tell the Republicans to go fuck themselves with their inhumane amendments to a bill that already carries an incredibly onerous path to citizenship. Those amendments include such enhancements to the legislation as Hatch's requiring "undocumented immigrants to pay back taxes for every year they have been in the country illegally," which would mean that people who earn cash from employers would be forced to come up with thousands of dollars before they could get legal status. There's also the John Cornyn amendment that says that the border would have to be secure before undocumented immigrants could get legal status. How do you know the border is secure? Cameras, motherfuckers, cameras up and down the border, one immense TV show. Oh, and a 90% rate of capturing and returning border jumpers. It's sort of like saying, "I'll let you into my house, but first you have to mow my lawn and blow me." That's unfair. It's way worse than that.
What's pissed off Hatch into backing away from the stiffing is that Reid has decided that Republicans can suck on their own filibuster procedures. Reid is requiring that all the amendments must reach the 60-vote threshold that Mitch McConnell has said is good for every other vote in the Senate. The GOP is trying to do a delicate pirouette on a pinhead with immigration reform: they have to pass it in some form or they'll have lost the Hispanic vote for a long ass time, but they have to make sure it's got some crazy in it or the Tea Party will hoot and holler about "Traitors" and then have another tedious tri-corner be-hatted protest and primary the Republicans with an inbred asshole who would be in a corner without pants and smoking bathtub meth if the teabaggers hadn't cleaned him up to run.
Yeah, they need this, but Reid has decided that bill doesn't need the needlessly cruel conditions and the bonus is that he gets to fuck with the Republicans. In objecting to ending debate on an amendment by Republican Chuck Grassley that's similar to Cornyn's, Reid said, "How many times have we heard the Republican Leader say on this floor and publicly that the new reality in the United States Senate is 60? So I just thought I was following the direction of the Republican Leader. I mean, this is what he said. That’s why we’re having 60 votes on virtually everything. And with this bill, with this bill, no one can in any way suggest this bill is not important and these amendments aren’t important." And his balls grew three sizes that day.
Grassley of Iowa lost his corn-filled shit over Reid's move: "There’s no reason, particularly in this first week, at the beginning of process, to be blocking our amendments with a 60-vote margin that’s required when you suppose a filibuster. Let’s start out with regular order." Then, the Senator who has joined in hundreds of filibusters in the last five years, really added, "This is a very provocative act."
So Reid hefted his balls, which reach this size only a couple of times a session, onto the lectern and said to Grassley, "Check out these balls. Are you not in awe of them, if only for today?" He added, "Provocative act? If my friend is so interested in regular order, why have we waited three months to go to conference on a budget, on a budget? That’s regular order. Now suddenly when it works to their advantage, I guess, they want to do away with the McConnell rule. What is the McConnell rule? 60 votes on everything." Reid gestured one more time at his balls before tucking them away.
Thus the most deliberative body in the world went on with its pissing match to legislation that most people support, with families, businesses and more waiting to see if it's going to be okay to finally come out of the shadows and join the nation they wish to openly be part of.
It was reported that Hatch waited in the cloakroom for Reid for some hours after, the time for a stiffing finally being right.
6/12/2013
Thomas Sowell Thinks Women Shouldn't Be in Combat Because Men Will Rape Them:
There's a few reliable things on the right. One of them is that, no matter what, someone who is considered relatively mainstream (meaning: "newspapers still feature him/her") will say the most eye-rolling, shit-themselves ignorant thing about any topic. On the issue of sexual assault of women in the military, we get conservative columnist Thomas Sowell, whose photo looks like a cross between Atlanta child murderer Wayne Williams and Samuel L. Jackson in Django Unchained.
In today's column (if by "column," you mean, "the rasping whine of a patriarchy that has masturbated itself to near-death"), Sowell posits that it's simply not possible to have a military without rape and that's because the dudes and the ladies just can't keep their hands off each other:
"For thousands of years, people around the world had the common sense to realize that putting young men and young women together in military operations was asking for trouble, not only for these young people of both sexes, but for the effectiveness of military forces entrusted with the fate of nations... The real question is whether either sex functions as well with the other sex around. If you don't think either sex finds the other sex distracting, you are ignoring thousands of years of experience around the world."
The truly weird turn Sowell takes is that not only can you simply not stop the raping, but that you can't stop the false accusations of the raping, which Sowell spends enough time on to make it seem equivalent to the raping:
"How much of this country's military resources do you think should be diverted from preparing for, and fighting, battles involving life and death to adjudicating conflicting stories about who did what to whom, and whether it was consensual or not?...You cannot un-rape somebody after the fact. Nor can you restore the honor of someone unjustly accused and convicted to appease civilian politicians on a rampage."
Yes, the plague of women in the military accusing innocent male soldiers of rape must be stopped. And you can tell those women to stop beating their own faces and bruising their own vaginas. Obviously, the best way to do this is to punish women by reducing their role in the armed forces and not the men who are only following the natural order.
Note: We can also count on Democratic males who suck the dicks of generals to walk away from doing anything, too.
There's a few reliable things on the right. One of them is that, no matter what, someone who is considered relatively mainstream (meaning: "newspapers still feature him/her") will say the most eye-rolling, shit-themselves ignorant thing about any topic. On the issue of sexual assault of women in the military, we get conservative columnist Thomas Sowell, whose photo looks like a cross between Atlanta child murderer Wayne Williams and Samuel L. Jackson in Django Unchained.
In today's column (if by "column," you mean, "the rasping whine of a patriarchy that has masturbated itself to near-death"), Sowell posits that it's simply not possible to have a military without rape and that's because the dudes and the ladies just can't keep their hands off each other:
"For thousands of years, people around the world had the common sense to realize that putting young men and young women together in military operations was asking for trouble, not only for these young people of both sexes, but for the effectiveness of military forces entrusted with the fate of nations... The real question is whether either sex functions as well with the other sex around. If you don't think either sex finds the other sex distracting, you are ignoring thousands of years of experience around the world."
The truly weird turn Sowell takes is that not only can you simply not stop the raping, but that you can't stop the false accusations of the raping, which Sowell spends enough time on to make it seem equivalent to the raping:
"How much of this country's military resources do you think should be diverted from preparing for, and fighting, battles involving life and death to adjudicating conflicting stories about who did what to whom, and whether it was consensual or not?...You cannot un-rape somebody after the fact. Nor can you restore the honor of someone unjustly accused and convicted to appease civilian politicians on a rampage."
Yes, the plague of women in the military accusing innocent male soldiers of rape must be stopped. And you can tell those women to stop beating their own faces and bruising their own vaginas. Obviously, the best way to do this is to punish women by reducing their role in the armed forces and not the men who are only following the natural order.
Note: We can also count on Democratic males who suck the dicks of generals to walk away from doing anything, too.
6/11/2013
The Secrets and the Damage Done, Part 1: Regarding the Need to Care:
So here we are. Remember all that gut-wrenching, headache-inducing, knee-weakening vertigo we felt when John Poindexter wanted to keep a record of every midget bondage website we jacked it to? God, the outrage, as if the mass usage of a data streaming technology invented by the Pentagon for military use wouldn't, at the end of the day, be used by the military and by government intelligence operations. We sacrificed privacy for convenience, that the ability to iPad over to IMDB in order to settle an argument over who died second in Hostel was more important than spies being able to find us with a couple of swipes on a touchpad. Yes, we are here, now, all of use merely pre-criminals, waiting to give off the secret telltale signs that make it appear as if we have breached some invisible border between good and evil. For we have cut off our dumbass noses to spite our stupid fucking faces.
Even if we said we "knew" about government data gathering, we didn't know. Now we do. Now we have had revealed the surveillance state apparatus, the unholy mating of government and big business giving birth to a tentacled chimera that slithers into all the moldy corners of our dark lives. And then the IT guy gets to decide which of us needs to be targeted for greater scrutiny.
Whenever you argue with someone about whether or not there's something wrong with the government spying on everyone through phone records and online footprints, you either get someone condemning supernerd Edward Snowden for narcing out the NSA and his employer, Booz Allen, and perhaps writer Glenn Greenwald for breaking the story, or you get some variation on "I don't care. Just keep me safe."
Of course, of course, ignorance being bliss and all, it's par for the course for blissful Americans. The wars of the post-9/11 era, on terror, Afghanistan, and Iraq, have been fought on the down low, with the majority of the nation not having to confront their existence beyond pedantic Memorial Day speeches and shoes removed at the airport. We have been told to submit and then submit again and not to ask "Why?" because such questions will naturally lead to the terrorists winning. And so we don't ask. And because we don't ask, it's assumed that we don't care. And if we don't care, then why should we be informed of what's occurring? It's the tautology of manufactured apathy.
The other thing the Rude Pundit has heard is "I don't do anything wrong. Why should I worry?" He wonders how those who say such things know. Because, see, one of the upsetting aspects of this whole series of revelations is that we don't know the rules of the game. We're told that the rules have to remain secret so that we don't tip off the enemies. But in that case, everyone is merely a potential enemy. How is that a rational way for a population to exist? How does that comport with the putative "exceptionalism" of our democracy?
Tell us some shit, for fuck's sake. The secrecy is ultimately destructive to our quaint notions of liberty. You say that this program has stopped a terrorist attack? Prove it. Tell us how. Put the fuck up or shut the fuck up. And tell us how stopping that attack would not have been possible if it hadn't been for Booz Allen geeks wondering if one's online visits to Burqa Babe Bukkake is for blowing up buildings or blowing loads.
One last note for now: Obama owns this, from the National Security Agency's collection of phone records to the data mining being done online by the FBI and NSA. Sure, you can get pissed off at George W. Bush for the Patriot Act, but Obama reauthorized it in 2011 (with a majority of House Democrats voting against it). We on the left are right to blame Bush for many of the ills brought about that this president has had to deal with. Not this, though.
The Rude Pundit doesn't buy the whole "Obama is as bad as Bush" bullshit floating around. When Obama starts an illegal war, authorizes torture, and crashes the economy, we can talk. But the institutionalizing of mass data gathering in order to spy on Americans? Yeah, that's part of Obama's legacy.
So here we are. Remember all that gut-wrenching, headache-inducing, knee-weakening vertigo we felt when John Poindexter wanted to keep a record of every midget bondage website we jacked it to? God, the outrage, as if the mass usage of a data streaming technology invented by the Pentagon for military use wouldn't, at the end of the day, be used by the military and by government intelligence operations. We sacrificed privacy for convenience, that the ability to iPad over to IMDB in order to settle an argument over who died second in Hostel was more important than spies being able to find us with a couple of swipes on a touchpad. Yes, we are here, now, all of use merely pre-criminals, waiting to give off the secret telltale signs that make it appear as if we have breached some invisible border between good and evil. For we have cut off our dumbass noses to spite our stupid fucking faces.
Even if we said we "knew" about government data gathering, we didn't know. Now we do. Now we have had revealed the surveillance state apparatus, the unholy mating of government and big business giving birth to a tentacled chimera that slithers into all the moldy corners of our dark lives. And then the IT guy gets to decide which of us needs to be targeted for greater scrutiny.
Whenever you argue with someone about whether or not there's something wrong with the government spying on everyone through phone records and online footprints, you either get someone condemning supernerd Edward Snowden for narcing out the NSA and his employer, Booz Allen, and perhaps writer Glenn Greenwald for breaking the story, or you get some variation on "I don't care. Just keep me safe."
Of course, of course, ignorance being bliss and all, it's par for the course for blissful Americans. The wars of the post-9/11 era, on terror, Afghanistan, and Iraq, have been fought on the down low, with the majority of the nation not having to confront their existence beyond pedantic Memorial Day speeches and shoes removed at the airport. We have been told to submit and then submit again and not to ask "Why?" because such questions will naturally lead to the terrorists winning. And so we don't ask. And because we don't ask, it's assumed that we don't care. And if we don't care, then why should we be informed of what's occurring? It's the tautology of manufactured apathy.
The other thing the Rude Pundit has heard is "I don't do anything wrong. Why should I worry?" He wonders how those who say such things know. Because, see, one of the upsetting aspects of this whole series of revelations is that we don't know the rules of the game. We're told that the rules have to remain secret so that we don't tip off the enemies. But in that case, everyone is merely a potential enemy. How is that a rational way for a population to exist? How does that comport with the putative "exceptionalism" of our democracy?
Tell us some shit, for fuck's sake. The secrecy is ultimately destructive to our quaint notions of liberty. You say that this program has stopped a terrorist attack? Prove it. Tell us how. Put the fuck up or shut the fuck up. And tell us how stopping that attack would not have been possible if it hadn't been for Booz Allen geeks wondering if one's online visits to Burqa Babe Bukkake is for blowing up buildings or blowing loads.
One last note for now: Obama owns this, from the National Security Agency's collection of phone records to the data mining being done online by the FBI and NSA. Sure, you can get pissed off at George W. Bush for the Patriot Act, but Obama reauthorized it in 2011 (with a majority of House Democrats voting against it). We on the left are right to blame Bush for many of the ills brought about that this president has had to deal with. Not this, though.
The Rude Pundit doesn't buy the whole "Obama is as bad as Bush" bullshit floating around. When Obama starts an illegal war, authorizes torture, and crashes the economy, we can talk. But the institutionalizing of mass data gathering in order to spy on Americans? Yeah, that's part of Obama's legacy.
6/10/2013
In Brief: Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Drink a Lot of Booze With a Dude Named Allen Hamilton:
So, apparently, it was a hell of a place to work:
Look at those nattily dressed, incredibly diverse, confident, walking bureaucrats there. Who wouldn't want to join them in taking the Fourth Amendment and wiping their asses with it before setting it on fire and inhaling the smoke like their shit smell is the finest opium?
NSA surveillance whistleblower Edward Snowden was employed, briefly, by one of Fortune magazine's top 100 best companies to work for. Yes, for Booz Allen Hamilton, the technology consulting corporation that makes billions from the U.S. government by, among other things, harvesting data about like a mad field hand with a dull scythe, analyzing it, and providing it to the government on a silver platter (or it had better be at those prices, right? High five!).
That's right. It's not spooks in a basement bunker in Nowhere Mountain, Virginia who are investigating the internet habits of (supposedly) foreigners and the phone records of everybody. It's white collar drones at private firms like Booz Allen, one of Working Mother magazine's best companies for, well, yeah. And one of Diversity, Inc's 50 most diverse companies in 2011 and 2012.
Essentially, Booz Allen would be a wet dream of a workplace for us liberals. Except, you know, for the whole spying on everyone from 69 secret locations (in addition to a ton of other military support operations for which it is rewarded handsomely).
According to NPR, Edward Snowden was one of "hundreds of thousands" of people, most in private industry, with the top secret clearance to look at whether or not we "Liked" My Little Pony on Facebook. Yessirree, man. Eddie, the creepy IT guy, got to look over your phone records and see what patterns emerged, like, oh, hey, Lizzie called Victoria's Secret a bunch of times. Gotta say: that doesn't seem like a very secure approach to, you know, security. Even Chuckles the Todd on MSNBC asks, "[W]hy is much of our national security infrastructure being outsourced to private companies?"
That one and more questions answered tomorrow.
So, apparently, it was a hell of a place to work:
Look at those nattily dressed, incredibly diverse, confident, walking bureaucrats there. Who wouldn't want to join them in taking the Fourth Amendment and wiping their asses with it before setting it on fire and inhaling the smoke like their shit smell is the finest opium?
NSA surveillance whistleblower Edward Snowden was employed, briefly, by one of Fortune magazine's top 100 best companies to work for. Yes, for Booz Allen Hamilton, the technology consulting corporation that makes billions from the U.S. government by, among other things, harvesting data about like a mad field hand with a dull scythe, analyzing it, and providing it to the government on a silver platter (or it had better be at those prices, right? High five!).
That's right. It's not spooks in a basement bunker in Nowhere Mountain, Virginia who are investigating the internet habits of (supposedly) foreigners and the phone records of everybody. It's white collar drones at private firms like Booz Allen, one of Working Mother magazine's best companies for, well, yeah. And one of Diversity, Inc's 50 most diverse companies in 2011 and 2012.
Essentially, Booz Allen would be a wet dream of a workplace for us liberals. Except, you know, for the whole spying on everyone from 69 secret locations (in addition to a ton of other military support operations for which it is rewarded handsomely).
According to NPR, Edward Snowden was one of "hundreds of thousands" of people, most in private industry, with the top secret clearance to look at whether or not we "Liked" My Little Pony on Facebook. Yessirree, man. Eddie, the creepy IT guy, got to look over your phone records and see what patterns emerged, like, oh, hey, Lizzie called Victoria's Secret a bunch of times. Gotta say: that doesn't seem like a very secure approach to, you know, security. Even Chuckles the Todd on MSNBC asks, "[W]hy is much of our national security infrastructure being outsourced to private companies?"
That one and more questions answered tomorrow.
